Sunday, 28 November 2010

Reasons why I hate twitter.

I was way way behind on the whole twitter flex - when David Cameron infamously uttered, "too many twits make a twat" I had no idea what he was talking about, I just chortled along with everyone else because I didn't want to seem like a neek. After a bit more living however - and countless days wasting my time on the internet with erotic cake websites and Japanese fashion blogs (that I couldn't understand) - I thought I might as well check out the new online fad that was rocking cyber-space. Mind you, that fad started like three years ago now and it's still bigger than Dennis Rodman's dick. And I still have no idea why - I mean, what does twitter have that bebo didn't? These are a few of the things that have pissed me off over the course of my tumultuous relationship with twitter.

How everyone's all like, 'yeah I'm on twitter now'
In a totally, 'yeah, I mean I don't really agree with like, people being able to see what you're doing the whole time, but like, I just thought that it was about time to start self-promoting a bit more y'know?" Bullshit. You joined twitter because the hot girl in the office got one, and you thought that if you tweeted at her you'd have something to talk about on your lunch break.

It's sur sur confusing
Facebook: easy layout, pretty quick to pick up. Myspace: easy to navigate, not too many weird things going on. Flickr: Not quite the same I guess, but sure, I can get with that too. Twitter: WTF? What does doing that little hash key thing do? (I can't even find the button on my keyboard) And why does it not tell you when someones tweeted at you? Or does it? AAAARGHH IT'S SHIT.

Celebrity tweeters
I heard recently that Lady Gaga, Ryan Seacrest and Kim Kardashian (amongst others) are quitting twitter and facebook entirely until Alicia Key's charity raises $1,000,000. Now, that's a noble cause and everything - keeping kids alive and such, but what happened to massive charity singalong christmas hits, and bands playing 3 minute medleys of their biggest tunes at a concert in Hyde Park hosted by Midge Ure? (yeah fuck you Geldof) They're doing literally NOTHING to help, in fact they're doing even less than they usually do, and everyone's making out like they're the good guys. Also, what-the-fucking-hell am I going to do without my hourly Seacrest update?

You can only write 140 characters
Ok, Ok, I know it's supposed to be a concise update of what you're thinking/doing, because we live in such a fast-paced, disposable world nowadays - but 140 characters is less than a text, which means that even Stephen Fry has to resort to nonsensical sms language.

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